The Only Time it’s Okay

Certain conversations can be very difficult. Unfortunately, they are the ones that complete strangers seem completely indifferent, insensitive, and compelled to talk about: your weight and health. The ONLY time it’s okay to say anything about that topic is when it’s uncomfortable for you to say anything and you do everything in your power to make sure the person you’re talking to doesn’t get hurt by the conversation – how they actually respond to it is on them, not on you. These hard conversations can be done with compassion and empathy – something people online lack; they don’t know you, so why should they care if you get hurt?

My husband and I had one of those hard conversations last night. Honestly? I knew this conversation was coming so I somewhat forced the issue. It’s not the first time he’s brought up my weight and health concerns. He knows I have health and fitness goals and he just wants me to succeed. He’s ALWAYS been there and been my number one cheerleader.

So here’s the big thing; if you’re going to have a hard conversation, you’d better have suggestions for how to “fix” the “problem”. And the other thing? Be totally, completely honest about the past as it will have a direct impact on your present and future.

And that was my failing. I hadn’t been honest with my husband around my diet. He saw the amount I worked out and he knows I was busting my ass – and though he saw what I ate, he only saw that it was healthy and frequent. He didn’t realize the nutritional content was as low as it was. I was probably only eating 1200 calories or less whereas I should have been eating closer to 2000 calories per day. He had no idea. He never understood why I always said “I’m not willing to go back to how I’ve done things”… now he does.

Plus this is the first time I’ve been vegan and trying to lose weight – which he seems to forget.

My biggest thing is that what I’m doing now, I want to be able to carry on when we’re back at work. The last thing I want to do is bust my ass, work out several times a day, then only be able to do 30% of what I was doing then see my weightloss stop or increase. I’d rather keep what I’m doing and add more.

It was a shitty conversation and, yes, it hurt! I cried. A lot of it was because I often feel like a failure. I’ve been away from the fitness industry for so long that I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing – especially as a vegan. The first time I went vegan was about 10 years ago – maybe longer – and the reason I stopped? Because I wasn’t getting the results in the gym. Instead of doing research, figuring it out, and making it work, I stopped eating vegan.

That’s not an option this time.

So, after further discussion, we have a plan. May not be able to implement it this week, but next week.

The biggest thing is that he – my husband- is the ONLY person (aside from a medical PROFESSIONAL) who has a right to say anything about my weight and health.

Have you ever been body shamed? Delete them, block them, ignore them. And just because that person may be family, doesn’t give them a free pass to say hurtful things to you.

If you do want to change and lose weight, that’s YOUR choice, so make sure it’s for the right reason!

3 comments

  1. I am a bit confused. Are you mad at your hubby for difficult conversation or are you mad at those people who say hurtful words via difficult conversation?

    Like

    • Oh, no – I may not enjoy the difficult conversations with my husband, but I’m certainly not mad/upset at him for it. If anything, the tears I shed was because I was frustrated with myself.

      Armchair warriors and seem to think it’s okay to comment on a strangers body, weight, and apparent health – I see it all the time on my social media. They often feign concern about health but I call bullshit. They don’t care about the person so they’re not careful about their words.

      Sometimes the hard conversations need to happen, but it should never come from someone who is a stranger on the internet. Ultimately, (my husband) is the only one who should be saying anything to me about my weight and health.

      Liked by 1 person

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