Prune the Rose Bush

A caterpillar doesn’t think about what it’ll lose when it goes into a cocoon; it knows that in order to fly, it needs to let go of everything it knew in order to become what it’s intended to be.

In life, we tend to cling onto things – sometimes material, but mostly mental or emotional. I witnessed this personally back in October; by BFF, myself, and one of her friends went to a workshop by Kylie Delfino. At one part, we wrote a letter to ourselves of everything we wanted to let go of. We then went outside and individually lit our letters on fire (just a little fire, not a huge bonfire!) and it was symbolic of letting go. I had a really hard time letting go – even though the limiting beliefs were exactly that… limiting me. But as I stood there, tears running down my cheeks, I couldn’t light my letter on fire. I was the last one of the group of about ten who did it. “It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s familiar to me” I whispered as my BFF hugged me. It was SO hard to let it go… but eventually I did and I watched the flames slowly blacken and eat away at my letter. Partly saddened and partly encouraged that I could let go.

It’s been constant work these past 7 months since the workshop but I have a daily reminder to be aware of my inner voice; a little bracelet that I haven’t taken off at all since I put it on my wrist with the exception of when I moved it from my left wrist to my right wrist. I’ve been wearing it for so long, the writing on the inside has worn off.

We cling to beliefs. We cling to “how things were done”. We refuse to change our mindset.

WE HAVE to let go! In order to grow and change and become the person we’re meant to be, we have to let go!

And it isn’t even about huge, monumentous events! It’s not even about a bad memory or situation. Just because something is good doesn’t mean it’s serving us.

Look at a rose bush. It could be in full bloom and looking beautiful… but sometimes we need to prune away the flowers in order to stimulate new growth. There won’t be any new growth if we’re too busy admiring the beauty of the flowers. Yes, the bush may look bare and ugly initially… but given time and nurturing, it will bloom again, even more beautiful than before.

This is where my husband and I were living in Courtenay – before moving to Ottawa. There was nothing wrong with where we were; stagnant, yes, but nothing wrong with it. We were comfortable. The roses were in full bloom – and as beautiful as it was, we weren’t growing and there would be no further growth until we changed our environment.

It’s hard to let go of something you’ve known your entire life – unfortunately, it often doesn’t matter if what you’re holding onto is something that’s positive or negative. Why do you think it’s hard to break abuse cycles? It’s amazing the number of women who grow up in an abuse household, who end up getting into relationships that are abusive. If they grow up watching their mother being told they’re worthless or useless – or get told that to themselves – they may think that’s normal. If a child is told they’re stupid, chances are they won’t do well in school because they believe it. Or if their grades are never good enough – heaven forbid they get anything less than an A – they may give up because what they do is never good enough.

It is stinking hard to get over things that happened as a child. It’s taken me over 35 years to get over some things – and the problem is, it snowballs in ways you don’t expect and don’t see until you’re on the other side of things! Unfortunately, it’s often after all the damage has already been done.

The most important thing you can do is recognize and acknowledge the traumas and limiting beliefs. Sometimes they’re caused by family members or friends or sometimes strangers. Where ever the belief came from, you need to work through it – whether it’s by going to a specialist like a psychiatrist/psychologist or a mental health professional or, if you’re able, work through it on your own.

Let me tell you, as someone who was sexually abused as a child, sexually assaulted/raped as an adult (3 times in the same number of years), who believed I wasn’t enough in SO many areas of my life – you CAN get past the trauma. You CAN get past the limiting beliefs. You CAN let go of everything that  no longer serves you to become the person you’re meant to be.

You are beautiful.

You are amazing.

You are enough.

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