If not Now, Then When?

I started reading (listening to) the book, “Girl, Stop Apologizing” by Rachel Hollis and I’m on Chapter 5 and it’s AMAZING!!! I’ve had so many “ah-ha” moments and I’ve had other realizations that almost brought me to tears as I was on the bus. There’s so much that is completely and totally relevant to my life and what I’ve been feeling and thinking – and I still have 22 chapters to go!

“If not now, then when? Stop waiting for a moment special enough for you to look, feel, and act your best”     ~Rachel Hollis

How many of us do this? I know I sure do! Hell, I did it just this past weekend! Saturday was my husband’s and my 23rd wedding anniversary. Originally, he asked if I would prefer going out for lunch or dinner – and I said dinner because I wanted to get a little more dressed up so we went out for a nice dinner – and it finally gave me an excuse to wear something nicer, fancier makeup, heels, jewelry… granted, I am in uniform for 80% of my work week and weekends I’m typically in workout wear.

My husband has made comments to me in the past – about how I make extra efforts to look nice on certain days, but rarely for him… which I guess is true. I’m more likely to take more care in my appearance on Fridays for work as it’s “civvie day” so it’s the one day a week I can look, dress, and feel like a girl. But what about weekends? Or “just because”?

I’ve have already recognized and acknowledged that I had stopped taking care of myself. It showed physically and mentally. Yes, some of it was because I needed to layer against the cold, but it’s getting to the point that I don’t need to. Spring is finally here, we’re thawing, and temps are decent. I no longer have to bundle up like the Michelin Man! I even went and picked up a new coat – something that was casual but I could dress up and look nice, and was large enough I could still layer during those irritating in between months where you need something more than just a hoodie but not my big winter coat.

I recognized that by looking like shit (in my eyes) I was feeling like shit. So I traded my frumpy sweat pants for my comfie jeans. I traded my clunky winter boots for a more streamlined, chunky heal boot – but now that the snow and ice is gone, I can wear my running shoes or Converse. I wear my work shirt, a plain black t-shirt, but I’ve been wearing a colorful light weight scarf for a more feminine look.

getting ready for our anniversary dinner. I feel so pretty!

I realized that I was waiting to look good; waiting for Fridays, waiting for the weekend, waiting for date night, waiting for a special occasion… but in doing so, what I didn’t realize, was that I was waiting to be happy. I’m not saying that I needed makeup or jewelry or a certain style of clothing to be happy, but by, really, not giving a rats ass with how I looked, it did adversely affect my mood and opinion of myself. Taking care of myself makes me happy – I realize that now!

There’s other things I’ve held onto for a certain point in time. Wearing a certain perfume because I don’t want to run out. Wearing special jewelry only on special occasions. Wearing certain lingerie only if I expect to have a little “sexy fun” with hubby. Using certain dishware for certain holidays. Painting my nails for an event.

But what about those “just because” days? Those days I want to look and feel pretty for myself? Do you think I want to look frumpy? Like I don’t care about myself? Hell no! I want to look nice for me. I want to feel pretty just because.

I am done waiting. I’m done with waiting for the weekend, or the next event, or when I can fit into last summers jeans. I’m done waiting to live my life for the “just because” that may never happen!

What are you waiting for?

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